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Jun. 9th, 2008 @ 02:10 am rain drops on roses
when the clouds cleared i could see them perfectly 
in rows of twelve a never ending sea 
the rain glistened like glitter agianst the rising sun
raindrops on roses...one by one
something so pretty could look so sad 
as if they were cryin for the world being bad
but oh how sweet it could be 
if on every rose there was a tear from you to me
proving that true love can persist through anythin
 
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Jun. 1st, 2008 @ 11:28 am (no subject)

she fell for it agian her damn romantic heart was the one who pulled her in. now it the same story but different scence....how did she let this get so far between? once bitten and twice shy she finds the strength to say goodbye. and faces the world once agian alone, this time her heart is stone cold. no more will she lose to its fastening beat. when she sees her love walk down the street. who knew that all she wanted would be the one thing shed be afraid of. and the ferris wheel goes round agian with no time to stop and let anymore feelings in. they say you leave this world the same way you came, confussed crying and bloody with no idea of even your name. better to be cold from the start she that she wont feel the ceasing of her heart.

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Jun. 1st, 2008 @ 03:29 am tango for three??
 nothing is quite what it seems....temptation lead them to a platu and without warning they find themselves stuck with no place to roam. 
the fact that her boyfriend had been lying to her ate away at her heart. how could she trust him agian? why did she feel so lost? she thought this was it, she finally met the one. she even planned on having his child. but then such a stupid thing started a chain reaction that she couldn stop. because he had lied she felt insecure.... maybe its me....but then of course fate showed her that it just couldnt be her. this sweet guy came and swept her away with a boost of confidince. he was everything she needed at the exact time she wanted to give up. but he of course is a friend of the boyfriend making things between them so complicated. two things we know are true, he wanted her and she wanted him too. they were perfect together. they laugh each time they met, and they could talk for hours on end. even the chemistry was so hot they couldn keep off one another. so why couldn they be together? so many things tainted their happiness....his friendship with the boyfriend was the darkest. would it be betrayal?? even though he knew his friend was making her miserable. if he was a true friend he would see that they make each other so much more then happy. temper is his greatest fear, because he knows his friend thinks that he can own her. 
it crushed him to see her cry every night because of the things he would say and how without even flinching he could lie. she was such an amazing person, but when he was threw with her she thought she was worthless. so even though he thought it may be wrong he knew he had to help her break free....even if it meant that they could never be. and when he told her how he felt, it instantly made her heart melt....and he was surprised when the tears fell from her eyes, "darling, the last thing i want is to be the one who makes you cry!" she looked at him so intense it made the crowded room seem empty they were getting lost in their trance. "the only thing in this world that would hurt me more then him....is knowing that i would have to live a day without you is worse then commiting sins" their lips met for the first time in public....and the room around fell silent....everyone would know now the way they felt because they were done hiding all signs of it. they looked so brave sitting hand in hand as the terror exboyfriend entered then. without a word he knew she was now a free bird. and just as he was winding his fist to take the first hit...he heard the crys saying "no" and even when he tried to stop the girlfriend took the blow. for the next couple of months were gray as she slept unresponsive in the hospital gurney. but there he stayed by her side, lightly kissing her face. keeping up conversation with hope that he could bring her back to their special place. just when he almost gave up hope an unexpected visitor changed thier luck....the exboyfriend standing in the door frame mumbling something about karma. with his premission he stood by the bedside, and he could hear his heart break as he silently cried. he did love her just not the right way, and if he could take it all back.....but its too late, he took her lifeless hand and began to pray....." i would do anything lord if she could just be okay, and please just listen because i know i dont deserve it but my best friend makes her happy and i can see now she is worth it"
as if the lord was in the room she slowly opened her eyes and with out a hint of anger looked at her savoir and thanked him for finally coming around
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May. 22nd, 2008 @ 02:06 am fantasy
he came over my house just like he had been for weeks now....we were just going to hang out and smoke a blunt. maybe play shot gun so we had a reason for our lips to be touching. both of us knew it was wrong so we denied the way we felt around each other. we play coy and talk about things that dont matter, at the time its only about him and i. i was in a serious relationship and he was his best friend...this could never be. my relationship was turning for the worst the fighting and the lies were becoming the whole basis of the relationship. he lied and went behind my back its was worse then cheating because when someone cheats you can finally say thats it im done im leaving. but he went online and told lies so it wasnt really cheating. so i couldn leave i did love him so very much and i only want him to be happy but i cant trust him. so i just filled my days with his best friends blue eyes. the way we laugh and are able to talk about anything brings me to a place i havent been since i was a kid. i am not scared when i am with him and i dont care what anyone says about it. i do know that if i lost him and our precious time i would lose my mind. he makes me feel pretty and wanted. he tells me things about our future that could never be. he would never want to be the reason i finally got the balls to leave the other. but he wants me to leave so bad. then i know he would not hesitate to wisk me off my feet. i can see it in his eyes he must want me as bad as i want him to hold me. i catch myself staring at him and i cant help it but his eyes suck me in. he would never lie to me his eyes would give it away and when i cry i find myself calling him....he always seems to know what to say. but this is completely insane he is my boyfriends friend and it  is wrong....so why does it feel so good? like a high school crush i wish i could just push it away until i had my head figured out. but my heart wont give me that chance. its so brusid that when he wraps his arms around me i just want to take more. i know that cheating is wrong and that i would never want to be hurt like that agian but how do i find out? i keep saying its the boyfriend with the problems but maybe its me?? i just dont know how to explain and people around me say the same thing. how good we would be together and how it would last forever. they have no faith in the boyfriend because he is on his millioneth lie. how many times can you say sorry?? i used to lie too, i used to lie to my mother and now we cant ever live together agian. when you lie you have to leave thats just the way it is. so many things complicate this situation, the house the bills, my job, the plans made. but there is no ring on my finger still after all this he cant commit. im not surprised and thats another reason why i have no guilt in my crush and ill hold on to this feeling like its sand slipping threw my hands. i wish i had more insight to my crushes mind. but i know that he wants to be mine by the things he says and when other people are around us they can feel it too. thats something strong that i cant control. every song makes me think of him. he comes to me in my dreams and i wake up wishing i could stay asleep. but this could just be a fantasy that can never be. how do we know if true love prevails? i thought i was so in love....but then i was shown its just another one on my list. i guess when it comes down to it you only have yourself....and then people who think they can keep up. im going to see my crush agian soon and i wonder if this time i will be able to control myself. sometimes its overwhelming and then at others it seems to scary. why did he have to go lying for??? i would have never even thought about looking twice if he hadnt lied.....or then agian would i?
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May. 12th, 2008 @ 03:28 am unsure

what do you think when you find your love has gone behind your back?? another page on myspace gave him away.....he said it was insecure but i dunt know what to do about it. my heart hurts and i feel betrayed but its not so easy to just say fuck it. we have a house together we went through so much....i jus still dont understand why?? he said he is goin to change but i haven really seen anythin new yet...its only been a couple of days but i know that i cant live with someone who lies....and i definitly can not be in a relationship that is filled with doubt. so what do i do?? i dont know how to take this....is this a sign telling me to leave? or is it time to rebuild?? but can i? can i trust agian honestly can i.....how many times am i goin to give my heart away to have it be broken. soon there wont be anythin left to give. i feel like im goin to just handle it the way i know how.....with hope.....and if that fails me agian then i need to get the balls and just leave it all behind me. i would have to go far away to leave colin behind me everythin around me is about him and i. its just so hard. i want him to talk to me but he cant share his emotions well....and im fruterated because if i dont know what hes feeling then i feel like hes hiding something. i dont want to be that girl that is on her mans ass all the time. i jus wish i wouldn care. please make something change i dont want to leave everything i have agian

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Apr. 29th, 2008 @ 12:27 am (no subject)
 i know i shouldn, i cant seem to keep away from you
even though it gets harder and harder to pretend i dont want you
something about the way you look right through me 
sends me chills in places i didn know there could be
i can tell you want me by the way you touch my hand
and the way that you always listen even if you dont understand
i could sit with you in silence and never feel uncomfortable
when i lie in you arms its as if im untouchable
i know i shouldn...but i cant get you out of my head 
please let me know that its me you think of when your laying in bed
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Apr. 28th, 2008 @ 12:42 am (no subject)
 the hospital was fairly quite for this time of night. usally the call bells would be ringing so much that haley barely had time to make her coffee. tonight she was sitting at the nurses station enjoying the steam pouring off her mug. she did find it odd that things seemed to be at a standstill but liking the fact that she could sit for more then two minutes. but something was definitly off, why was it so quite?? even though she knew she would be cursing herself later she decided to make rounds on her patients and let her mug cool off. 
"whats his temp now?" kyles mother was actually sweating from nerves two hours ago her 22 year old son was laughing and enjoying dinner with his fanily sharing stories about his wild friends and his mothers cooking. now he was breathing heavly and turning a freakish shade of green, his eyes were blood shot and his mouth seemed like it was foaming. 
"100.4 i think we should take him to the hospital....what other choice do we have?" her husband look just as bewildered as she felt so she dialed 911.
they all were sound asleep dreaming about being anywhere but in a hospital bed. she had checked every room and made sure nothing was out of the ordinary but even though she rechecked she couldnt shake the feeling that something was off. there was nothing she could do now but wait. since she was young she found out she had a six sence. no she didnt see dead people but she could almost forsee the future only she could never see anything. all she do was go off her extreamly strong intuition. it tipped her off about her cheating ex boyfriend, and it helped her fond her friend on a suicidal rampage when no one else could find her. small things but none the less...she hated waiting around with the feelings rumbling her insides tonight was going to be some thing different
the ambulance seemed to be going in slow motion even though she knew better all she could think was faster faster my baby boy just go god damn faster. the parimedics in the back were on thier radio letting the ED know what was coming in. she could hardly understand what they were saying but she did hear "critical care" all she could do was caress his hand and tell him that mommy was here. while in the emergency room the nurses got his vitals back to stable and where going to move his to a room for the night so they could run some test. they told her that her son would be fine and that if she wanted to stay she could but there was nothing to worry about. before she made any descion she needed to see her son. his skin was back to his normal color and his eyes were less bloodshot. now he just looked tired....
"kyle? hunni? how are you feeling?" she kept looking all over him maybe trying to find anything at all that would make him need her there. "im okay mom a little tired and dizzy...what did you put in the meatloaf?" his humor was still in tact thank goodness "would you like me to stay over night with you? they want to run some test and i could stay if you want" 
"no mom its okay honestly you should go home and rest so that you can wake up early and come worry about me all day tomarrow" with his reassurance she left letting him know that by the time he woke up she would be sitting next to him. kyle loved his mother but the way she worried scared him she was eventualy going to worry her self into a heart attack. he had no idea what was wrong with him out of no where he felt so strange like his insides wanted to be outside. now however medicated and les woozy he closed his eyes knowing it would only be for a moment until they moved him into a room that would undoubtly change his life. 
"haley we need a setup in room 316 and there could be a chance that you will be sitting for the rest of the night." 
as oppsed to running around on the floor? she thought she maybe heard one call bell since she had clocked in. she never thought twice about the new patients coming onto the floor it just never struck her fancy but tonight she felt her tummy doing flip flops and mind racing. still she went about her job and set up the room for the new patient.
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Apr. 25th, 2008 @ 02:34 am then there was
sometimes i surprise even myself. i will do things and forget about it and then be happily surprised when i get a reminder of whatever it is i did. for example there was a girl who decided she wanted to try to fuck with me so i played a lil game, completely forgot about it then read a email asking me why i was mean lol. 0o0o0o0o well there are so many reasons for one this girl doesnt take care of her child and in my book that makes you scum. second she went there first i dont go looking for trouble but when it finds me well its like a renioun with a good friend. in any event im still laughin! finally the weekend!! i cant wait! not that anythin great will be going on but its just the end to a long week. i need a lil bit of excitement in my life things are becoming too rotine for me. i want to go away or do something crazy. i dunno but i just feel antsy it could be the addies though very posible. tomarrow i have to spend half of my mornin at the doctors! i have been putting it off as long as i could just because it upsets me. all those pics of babies and their mothers...how come i am not one of them? dont get me wrong im glad im not but the girl the mother in me is crying. the druggie in me is partying!! i wish i was home with colin right now sleeping. i look forward to just falling alseep with him although he always falls asleep first. i want to spend tomarrow getting things done like my hair and the docs and god forbid laundry....it really is getting ridiculous! 
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Apr. 24th, 2008 @ 12:52 am story
she didnt expect to find comfort in one of her most unlikey allie. she had been in a serious relationship for over two years and with the news of her partner being unfaithful shook the earth from under her. when she had no where else to turn she found her self sitting in his best friends basement wrapped in arms tight enough that she wouldnt fall through the world colapsing beneath her. he a;ways gave the impression that she would be the last person on earth he would consol but the truth was he loved her. he knew from the moment she met kyle that things wouldn work out. he was constantly changing his mind and religiously would spit out a white lie here and there to keep converstation smooth if need be. they has been pals since kyle graduated high school...now not being one of the bully/jocks he took the time to know ethan and found they had more in common then they thought. then they both thought. kyle was strong and handsom something about his eyes made you want to trust him. and the way he smiled and smoothed talked a person would make anyone think that he would truely be only loyal to you. his eyes were full of lies. ethan on the other hand couldnt lie he just couldnt. if put in the situation his hands would start to sweat and he could feel his eyes telling everything he shouldnt be saying. ethan was never the jock in fact back in the day he was the pudgy kid the one no girls looked twice at. but given the chance people learned he was the nice guy. now he held his own. his eyes sparkled blue and gold and his weight shedded off as the years passed, his blonde hair complemented his skin and when he smiled you could actually feel your heart warm up. she took notice to his enticing looks as if she saw him for the first time. between her tears she inhaled the sent of ethan, the mix of his ax spray and light sweat...he was nervus and she felt a tingling sensation at the thought of this. he was one of the rare ones, the one that usally get looked over but then when taking another chance you find gold. he wanted her she knew this and she could confess that she used this to her advantage but wouldnt you? 
the events of her day came crashing on her it seemed like a normal day. she woke up and drove kyle to work just like everymorning she worked overnights and he worked days. she went about her day normally untainted to what was going on behind the curtian. something didnt feel right deep inside her gut she knew something just wasnt right. when it came time to pick up kyle she made sure she got there early so that she would be able to get to work on time. but kyle took his time to leave his work and when he came out to the car acted like her job was of no importance. he rushed her to work and took off without kissing her goodbye he was in a rush to ruin her. thinking that he would have until tomarrow morning to hide his guilty pleasure he picked up his on the side girlfriend and went back to the appartment he shared with audrey. how would he know that his actions would cause a ripple effect. meanwhile at work audrey felt a deep sinking feeling that grew worse as the time passed. soon it over came her and she found herself in the employee bathroom hanging on to little strength as the nerves in her stomach caused her to vomit violently. she couldnt figure out why she was getting so sick, she didnt know that she would come home to find the reason. security drove her home at one am the street was deserted except for her jeep sitting outside the appartment. excited to climb into bed and have her darling rub her back and tell her everything was okay. everything was not okay. 
she was crying agian slow sobs and ethan pulled her away to wipe the tears. she looked so sad so broken. it pained him more then he would have imagined. suddenly a slow heat began to rise in his chest a boiling anger that he never let break free. anger caused stress and the last thing ethan needed was stress a college guy working his way through knew stress would just slow him down so he found it easier to really not let shit get to him. but this did....he hated kyle right now how could he want more then her? she was very smart this is important because her looks decived you. she was a very pretty girl, long strawberry blonde hair, breath taking blue eyes, and a figure any guy would love to get his hands on. most people played her off as an air head and she let them she was very grounded and didnt mind people underestimating her it just made it all the sweeter when she would  fire back with intelect. this was one of the many reasons ethan found himself dreaming of her.
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Apr. 21st, 2008 @ 11:17 pm eyes dont lie

they say you can always tell the truth in the eyes of a liar. when people look away or seem to disconnect in a conversation it usally means they arent being completely truthful. 
today i spent the day riding around with mike and haze and it was fun being with them. letting them tell me how hot i was and debating on wether or not colin would think we were up to no good. apparently he thought so because he left work early to be home with me. we just ran errands all day with flip....hes become a bawler as much as i hate to say it. even though im not the biggest fan of flip hes turning around...i think its more because he wants me bad! he always makes jokes and says stupid shit. and even though i would never its nice to hear that im wanted. b though is another story. something about him just makes me get goosebumps. all and all it was a good day i got my high on and laughed alot. wich is always the best medicine. 
flip really is tryin to be a better friend on sunday colin decided to work a parade and was gone all day wich pissed me off cuz it was 420 and i didn want to stay in on such a nice day. and after i called everyone flip was the one person who came to get me. we went to a car show and then i went and hung out with fred. my dear freddy hes the only guy i can hang out with and never run outa things to talk about. i absolutely love chillin with him but of course our time is together is rare because of of timing. but ill take what i can get. i have been slackin on talking to liz i dont know why maybe it because of the whole baby thing but im not sure. i just have been surrounding myself with things to do so i dont think about anything sad. 
i have been having constant thoughts blow through my mind of options for me to take my place umoung those unforgettables!

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